On April 24th 2012, I lost my dad I had never meet Greg till I was 18yrs old but that didn't matter I always longed to meet him and I had so many questions for him. I went to Porterville, Ca. at 18 years old to get my questions answered, I lived there for the next year and a half I got to know this man and he was honest in telling me he was to blame for many many things, He was very sorry and wanted to do everything he could to make it up. I was the 2nd oldest of his 4 children I have an older brother in Florida by a different mother and I have 2 brothers younger then I, from the same mom.
After about a year and a half I moved back home to Nebraska, In the years to come I talked over the phone with my dad and went to see him many times I got close to him. I listened to many story's, many sorry's, many what ifs. My dad was a smoker all his young life, he had lung caner and eventually was down to one half working lung, though many many surgeries he kept fighting to stay alive, every time family would call, I went, I stay by his side and would not leave not even to eat, until he was up and was able to go home. We had alot of conversations in those hospital rooms, I knew the day would come when he would no longer be able to fight. His 100 pound little body could just not take anymore.
I was not there with him the day my dad left this earth but I know he heard my voice on the phone while his wife held it to his ear...."Dad I love You & Its OK to rest now dad, I'm coming" Now that I play those words back in my head I know I gave him permission to go.
My dad died the next early morning. Its almost like he was waiting for me. I always went always but I didn't know how critical my dad was until my brother told me the night before I had made that call to his room for the very last time.
My two brothers and our mom drove the 24 hour drive to California. We laughed, smiled, cried together. I was very bitter for many years with my mom for things that happened to me when I was little, So I thought "This is gonna be a VERY LONG trip" but on our drive all I kept hearing was my dad saying like he always did "Have you talked to your mom yet? CorinaMarie, I'm not gonna always be here for you to call" over and over I heard him so loud and clear. On one of our stops we climbed this huge to us from Nebraska, It was a mountain  but this very huge rock and sitting up there I heard him again. "Corinamarie have you talked to your mom yet?" By the time we got there all the bitterness I felt just left I cant even explain it, Its like it was just gone! Every time I looked at my mom I just felt love for her. I was the last one standing at my dad casket and watching the man close it broke my heart in a million pieces, I heard my dad singing "you are my sunshine, My only sunshine you make me happy when sky's are grey ..........." He would always sing this in the hospital to let me know me he was OK, there were times when he couldn't speck so he had pencil and paper writing that song out. In the last 10years I got very close to my dad and felt like I knew him all my life. Like every grown women, I have that little girl inside who longs for her daddy. This trip, death, funeral, was more then losing my dad, It was eye opening. I wrote on a picture the other day that Ya know I did lose my dad BUT I gained an appreciation for my mom. I will treasure this trip, smiles, laughs & tears 4ever & never forget the very last time i got the privilege to stand in the presents of both my mom & dad. I miss you dad and I know that you made it, I know that you are no longer suffering. Rest now dad, I love you & Thank you for teaching me a life long lesson. See you when I get there dad.